Why Do People Need a Sleep Coach?

I was having a conversation with my husband recently that sparked this blog post.  We were discussing why people need sleep coaches now when they haven't in the past.  I have some thoughts, and these are only my personal opinions.  Feel free to comment below if you have other opinions.

Why are there so many coaches nowadays?  We have Relationship Coaches, Parenting Coaches, Potty Training Coaches and Sleep Coaches to name a few.  I have a few ideas why we have these helpful people as part of our lives now.  I am going to focus on sleep coaches, but I think many of the following reasons apply to other coaches being part of our lives as well.

1.  Families are more spread out.  In the past, families were closer together and thus new parents had more help.  When my children were born, my parents did come to stay near us (they live in New York, we live in Virginia) , but once my children were a few weeks old, I had no close help.  With my daughter it was not a big deal, she was a relatively easy child and I was getting sleep.  She was also my first, so I had no other children to take care of.  Then my son came along.  My daughter was 2 and I had a very cranky baby who barely slept.  How I wished my family was close then!  How nice it would have been to have them come over a couple of times a week just so I could get a nap in.  I do not believe I am the only one who has been in this predicament.  And this is when a Coach comes in handy.  In this case, I could have used a sleep coach to walk me through my son's sleep issues and reassure me while I was trying to improve his sleep. 

2.  Overload of information.  I searched for Child Sleep Books on Amazon.com.  After narrowing it to just the books in Parenting & Relationships there were 350 results!!  I know when my son was not sleeping, I bought a couple of books, but which one was right for us?  And more importantly, which one would work?!  Here is the great thing about a sleep coach - most of us have read a lot of these books and we've been trained on many of the methods.  We find out about your child and how you parent and we recommend the method that we believe will work the best in your situation.  And then we guide you through the changes as you make them.  A book cannot take into consideration your child and the differences each child has. 

3.  More women working and not staying home.  I am in no way judging this, I just personally think this is one of the reasons why more people use sleep coaches.   If a woman is not working, she may have time during the day to possibly take a nap and get caught up on some sleep.  Of course if she has other children to take care of, this is probably not the case.  And especially if she has to work, she will not have time to catch up on any sleep during the day.  Some women are going back to work when their babies are only 6 weeks old, and thus they are probably not getting much sleep.

4.  More children are being breastfed.  There have been studies that show that initially, breastfed babies may wake more during the night than formula fed babies.  This difference however disappears as the babies get older.  Here's a link to the study: http://www.news-medical.net/news/20111018/Link-between-breastfeeding-and-long-term-sleep-issues.aspx   This does not mean I am advocating formula instead of breastfeeding so your baby will sleep more.  In fact, when my son was a baby I switched him to formula hoping he would sleep better (he was also going down on the weight percentile chart and I unfortunately did not have a doctor or lactation consultant that was working with me to continue).  I was so tired, I was hoping this would be the miracle, but I was wrong.

5.  No, you cannot spoil a newborn!  In the past, mothers were told not to hold their babies too much or they would be spoiled.  Take a look at this infant care brochure from 1929.  Infant Care Brochure.  I find this quote particularly interesting (and so wrong!): "He should learn that hunger will be satisfied only so often, that when he is put into his bed he must go to sleep, that crying will not result in his being picked up or played with whenever he likes".  This is from the newborn section!  So if parents were indeed letting their babies cry at young ages and fall asleep on their own, they would probably have no choice but to fall asleep.  Luckily today, we realize that letting a baby cry it out as a newborn is not a good idea.  And there are many kinder, gentler ways to encourage good sleep habits in children of all ages, without leaving them along to cry along.

So these are some of the reasons I've come up with that may cause more people today to seek out help than in the past.  Do you have other ideas?  In all, I am so much happier with where we are now as compared to years ago!  I do not believe that "training in self-reliance should have begun by 1 year" as the Infant Care Brochure I mentioned earlier states!

Michelle Winters
Gentle Sleep Coach, Greenproofer
www.sleepwellsleepsolutions.com

How to handle normal fears

I figured children having fears at night be a good thing to talk about on Halloween! 

This is a typical time of the year when children who may not have had any fears in the past start to have them.  There are all sorts of scary images out there, even if you try to limit your children's exposure to them. 

There are several different ways to help children through fears they are having.  You should think about your child's temperament, age, and your beliefs to pick what is right for your family.  One thing you should tell any age child is that you are there to keep them safe.

For an older child, explain to them that they are in control of their thoughts.  Bad dreams and fears are thoughts in their head.  If they have a bad dream or thought, they should take it out of their head and throw it out their window.  Then they need to put a good thought back in.  My daughter always likes to think about when we went on vacation to the beach. 

Younger children (as well as older children) may enjoy a prop to get them through their fears.  You can give them a bad thought spray bottle.  Put a little water in a spray bottle and let them spray the air to get rid of bad thoughts.  Some parents call this monster spray and use it to scare away any monsters or anything else your child may be afraid of.   If you do this, be aware that you are in essence telling your child that monsters do exist however. 

Make sure your children know they can come to you if they are scared.  We do want to give them tools to work it out themselves, but I believe that they should be able to get comfort from you if they are truly scared.  If they are using this as a stalling tactic, you will need to try and recognize that and excuse yourself from the situation.

Good luck and feel free to contact me with any questions!

Confessions from a Sleep Coach

Many people assume that because I am a sleep coach, my children are perfect sleepers.  I will say, most nights are great, but there are the off nights.

Last night my 7 year old daughter woke at 1:40 and came to our room and said she was scared.  I walked her back to her room, tucked her back in, gave her a hug and a kiss and she let me leave.  Normally she would need me to talk a bit about what she was scared of and to think of some good thoughts she could think of.  Not last night, I didn't hear from her again.

And then when I got up this morning I learned about what really happened when I went back to sleep.  My daughter told me she climbed in bed with my 5 year old son, asked him if she could sleep with him and he said yes.  Ok, not too bad right?

Then, I talk to my husband who had already left for work.  He tells me he got a drink of water at 3:15AM and noticed there was a door closed that normally isn't.  He opened the door and heard some noise in my son's room.  He went in and found my son on the floor playing with toys and talking.  He put him back in bed and went back to sleep.  He had no idea that my daughter was in there.

Apparently, my daughter got in my son's bed, they "rested" according to her, and then she asked him if they could play.  So they got up and started playing in the middle of the night!  We're not sure how long they had been playing, or where my daughter was when my husband went into my son's room.  When she gets home from school I'm going to ask her where she was - we're wondering if she was hiding somewhere!

See, so no one's kids are perfect sleepers!!  (Although I will say they didn't wake us up during the middle of the night playtime!)

Greenproofing Available!

Hello everyone!

I wanted to let you all know that I am now a Certified Greenproofer.  In that role, I can help prepare pre-conceiving, expecting, and new families on how they can prevent exposure from toxic substances that may pose a potential threat to the health of mother and baby in their products, in their food, in their home, and around their environment.  I am certified through the International Maternity Institute and you can find more information about this course here: http://maternityinstitute.com/baby-planners/greenproofer-certification/

So how did I get into this?  I was very overwhelmed with all the choices out there for my kids.  Trying to find the right shampoo and conditioner, not to mention the healthiest food was becoming a lot of work!  I had some resources, but wished I could just have someone give me the best information out there.  When I found out that the IMI trained people to do this, I was intrigued.  I figured that this would be a compliment to the sleep coaching business I was already in.  Both sleep and living toxin free lead to health!

If you are interested in a Greenproofing Consultation, please contact me.  We will set up a time for me to visit your home and figure out what areas you would like more help in.  Then we will have a followup phone call where I will give you information based on what we discussed at the initial visit.  I will give you lots of resources so going forward, you can figure out if products are truly toxin free. 

I am also putting together a webinar to go over some easy ways you can remove toxins from your home.  I will be announcing that when it's ready on my Facebook page at www.facebook.com/sleepwellsleepsolutions and on Twitter at www.twitter.com/VaSleepCoach.

Thanks - and write to you soon.

Michelle

Tips for Older Children

With older children, 3 and up, you can discuss how important sleep is with them.  Tell them how much more fun they will have the next day after they get a good night sleep.  You can also tell them if you get a good nights sleep, you will be happier the next day and have more energy to play with them. 

Tell them that the body fixes itself at night and does some growing which is why it is so important for them to go to bed at a reasonable hour and sleep until the morning. 

How much sleep does your child need?

A 3 year old needs around 10.5 hours of sleep at night and a 1.5 hour nap
A 4 year old needs 11.5 hours of sleep at night, and some still take naps.
A 5 year old needs 11 hours of sleep at night.
6, 7, and 8 year olds need between 10 1/4 to 10 3/4 of sleep at night.
A 9 year old needs 10 hours of sleep at night. 

Also, check out this website for fun coloring pages to help your children learn the importance of sleep:  http://www.sleepforkids.org/.

Thanks for reading!

Nightmares

You will know your child is having a nightmare and not a night terror, because they will be able to talk to you.  They may initially seem confused, but then should be able to answer questions you ask them.

So, what should you do if your child has a nightmare?  You can ask your child if they would like to tell you about it.  Sometimes, talking about it makes it less scary.  Othertimes, your child will not want to relive it.  You should explain to your child that it was not real, and it was just a thought in their head.  All people have control over what thoughts are in their head, so your child should try to remove the scary thought.  My daughter and I have a routine where she throws the bad thought out the window.  And then we always put a good thought in to take the place of the bad thought.  I spend some time helping her to think of a good thought to put it - usually it is a time we went to the beach or an indoor water park. 

If your child has a lot of fears at night, talk to your child during the day about them.  You can brainstorm during the day what good thought they would like to think about when they are scared.

Sometimes giving them some sort of stuffed animal or doll helps them feel not so alone at night. 

You should also let your child know that you are there to protect them.  That is your job and they do not need to worry.  We have dogs in our house and also remind our children that the dogs will alert Mommy and Daddy if anything is wrong. 

If your child is worried about something specific, such as a monster under the bed or in the closet, take some time to look under the bed and reassure them that nothing is there.  Perhaps they would like a flashlight on their nightstand so that in the middle of the night they can check.  They do sell a "monster spray", however my problem with that is you are essentially admitting that there are monsters that need to be sprayed away.  I prefer to call it "bad thought spray".  You can get a water bottle with some lavender in it and spray the bad thoughts away before bedtime. 

Remember that to your child, these fears may be absolutely real.  Make sure you discuss them with your child, but never make fun of your child for having them, no matter how ridiculous they may seem to you.

If you have any questions, please feel free to contact me.  Check out my website, www.sleepwellsleepsolutions.com for more information. 

Michelle